Movie Night

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It’s summer, and I still live at

home. As we roll and rattle down the

Mass Pike, in a car older than any of its

three passengers 150 miles from my own

suburbia, I watch as the tops of the trees

engulf the sky in the low dusk light

like stagnant black smoke, and I think

about how much bigger the sky looks here.

 

I’m listening to your laughter bounce from

the windshield to the backseat and back

again, and as per usual I don’t know what

you two find so funny but I can say with

absolute certainty all I want is to bottle your

giggles, film you cackling so hard there are

delicate lines of mascara tracing trails down

your cheeks, and to watch you both catch

moonlight between your fingertips forever.

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Goodnight

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It was there I

almost cried.

Barefoot

in the driveway

as always,

standing on just

my inner

six toes

so I could

kiss you

goodnight

through

the sticky

July air, my

arms wrapped

fully over your

neck, my calves

over-stretched

enough so

that six toes

became four,

then two, and

it was there

that you

told me you

loved me.

Commute

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I never

look up

on my walk

to work,

but today I

counted windows,

rolled my

fingertips over

crumbling bricks,

stared down

the scaffolding,

and took just

a moment

for the

cloudless Tuesday

morning sky.

Beacon

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For once,
I looked at
the tower
whose lights
had guided me
home
so many times,
as the
bitter wind
tore at
the cuts
on my face,
without
one ounce of
pain or
a single
rouge tear.
Instead,
I fixed my
gaze upon
the very
topmost
light of the
sky-piercing
spiral and
declared
it was over
because
there is
a whole world
out there
beyond
its shine.

Hangover

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I’m half-awake
blinking
blurry-eyed at
the ceiling fan
listening to
your breath
as it grows
shallow.
Your knees
are pressed
into my
left hip.
Our heads
keep lazily
rolling
off the mountain
of pillows
falling inwards
tangled
in hair
and charging
cords.
I’m afraid to
wake you.

Lonely

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I lay
in bed
that night
counting
slivers of
light painted
across my
bedroom wall,
tears dropping
off the
very end of
my nose,
for my
heart
was
so full
but only
in my mind.

A 2016 Recap

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  1. Wow.

I’ve never done one of these before, but I felt like I couldn’t let the year make an exit without saying my piece. I’m putting the state of the world aside on this one, because I think if I opened that can of worms I’d be writing this blog post until 2018. I’m going to keep it personal here.

It’s been much harder for me to find the motivation to write. I feel as though I started 2016 on a roll: I completed my final semester of my undergraduate degree and had a lot of fun while doing so, then I graduated and started a full-time job. When the excitement slowed, I began to sort of half-ass basically everything.  I stopped pushing myself; instead I just settled and chose going through the motions because it was less work. I let anxiety and complacency take over because I adopted the attitude of “what’s the point?”

When I sat down to write this, I thought about one night during my last semester of university. One of my best friends and I decided to have a movie night. We watched “Inside Out,” which I had never seen before (I don’t really watch movies, I have too short of an attention span!). If you’ve never seen it, the main characters are the five emotions who live inside the brain of the primary human character. We began to assign the emotions to our friends. She felt she related best to Disgust.  We chose Fear for one of our friends, and Anger for another. I told her I’d maybe choose Sadness, who is largely negative but also adorable, to which she gave me the most dramatic eye roll of all time and told me “You idiot, you’re definitely Joy!”

Originally, I was irritated by that. Joy is relentlessly bubbly all the time, often to the point of annoyance. Being moderately dismal was so much cooler.  It took the whole movie for me to finally agree on my friend’s decision.

To this day, I actually love that people think I’m made of sunshine. I want to have that kind of impact on people’s lives every single day. Happiness in infectious. What the hell am I doing pretending that my life is a saddening shade of dark blue? Sure, not all of it is bright yellow, but why give in to that?

joy

I do not make New Year’s Resolutions. I feel like those are literally always doomed to fail. I am making a choice for 2017, though. I’m choosing to be me – unapologetically authentic and joyful, because life is so much fuller that way.

Cheers to a better, richer, happier 2017, friends. Let’s make it amazing.